.:*~Monday, February 26, 2007~*:.
dun read dis stupid post cos its just me stupidly typing this crap out becos i'm super angry.
editing: cos it ain't nice to hate family. haha? i just felt tat way that dae. hehe....but i feel tat everytime i'm happy for once they just have to make me sad and everything. no wonder i get pissed so easily at home. i just hate it here! i'm sick of crying all the time and everytime i cry its almost always them. crying is not something i do for fun...i dunnoe wad they get out of tormenting me to stay here with them. its like....everyone's fault. including me. first of all my sister is rarely at home and even if she is at home, she don't talk to us, she dun eat wif us. its like she's not at home, only that you can't use the computer when she's there. i sometimes wished she wasn't at home when she is at home. my brother?? he every tiny thing also like so stupid. but he can't be that stupid right?! anything wrong wif the computer he come to me. i'm not there to fix ur computer stupidity okay?! no one can cos u dun bother to learn! nowadays...he's just shouting at me and my mum for the tiniest thing!! it annoys me. fine, with him around i get so easily angered and annoyed. and sometimes any word he speaks out loud and his simple presence just makes me irritated. like super irritated. my mum ENJOYS nagging. its like her hobby or something...she always asks me "You think i enjoy nagging isit?" my obvious answer is "ya...u do" and no i dun speak it out loud....okay...once or twice i did. she got even more angrier. den everytime we fight by raising our voices...i would love to lock myself in the study room or my sister's room, if she's not in. i enjoy the peace and quiet i get when i'm alone happily. i rarely feel lonely. i dunnoe. once, we shouted at each other and i was hoping for peace and i locked myself in my sister's room. i wasn't even outside and she just suddenly shouted at me and told me to open the door. i didn't want to and she was like shouting for me to open it or she'll knock down the door. yea right...like she can. so fine, i got up from the floor angrily and without knowing what i was doing, i swung open the door and took the hammer and hit the wall. obviously she got angry. so wad?! lucky i could have controlled myself at that point and didn't hit her. if i did, i'd jump out of the window. now there's a hole in the wall, and if u wanna see it just say so. i'm not proud of it either. and its not too big a hole. but then again...maybe its just me. it might be because i'm born that's why my family's suffering or something. i'm the middle child and i feel totally not needed. the oldest, my sister, she gets freedom and my mum just dun bother much about her. but i noe she cares more about her than me. the first child wad....then my brother...the youngest and the ONLY boy...so fine, my mum would most probably love him more. i dun care anymore!!! i had given up trying to get my mum to just show that she loves me the same as the others. its either i dun see it, or it won't happen. forget it. and actually...for once...yesterday...i suddenly felt alone. but i can't be alone. i know i'm not alone, but i just felt alone and suddenly i got sad and i dunnoe how tears started flowing den i realised i was crying for no reason. i dunnoe wad's life gonna bring anymore and i dun wanna bother to try to preserve life. just waiting for the day this earth comes to an end....i guess... i just wished that i couldn't feel anything anymore...i dun wanna feel sad or angry and if i dun feel sad or angry...it would haf meant that i won't feel happy. anyway...who would care if i was happy or sad. i dun care about myself anymore. i'm sorry for adding stupid things on the blog...i just have to write/type out my feelings and typing is easier isn't it?? i dunnoe. you could just choose to ignore this stupid idiotic post and just forget about it.
.a.d.d.i.e. updated at;
`7:38 PM
