.:*~Sunday, September 23, 2007~*:.
i wonder what i am doing up at 1.15am+....can't sleep i guess.
tmr(today) is my mum's mum's husband's brother's sister-in-law's daughter's sister's brother's mum's grandson's sister's father's son's grandmother's birthday. ehehehe...in short, my mum's mum's bdae. erm...whoppeee...i might haf to help out with the cooking in a few minutes' time...i tink. i rather think otherwise.
so, i am stuck. very stuck. in a dilemma(however u spell tat). unhappily stuck. between two places. one place, i'm very happy at. the other, i din really enjoy my time at. i'm inching very very very slowly towards the place that i like, but den, i cannot completely abandon the other place cos of something. (i'm being very vague here) why this is brought up, becos later today, i might have to go to the place i do not like with that person. everytime this person is going there, i will be asked to accompany (*cough*cough*) her to that place i do not like to go. i mean that place! that place!!! the only place i've not liked since primary 3(or younger). that young! a stupid age! and i never found a single thing about that place, that i like, until now! other people might find both places VERY similar, but i don't. at that place, the people are so.....blehhh....not all, but quite a lot. please, i've suffered enough just seeing them and sadly, knowing their names, when they DEFINITELY do not know mine. they do NOT know my nickname or my name. no, they don't know who's addie and who is adelina. none. i bet they do not know that i am related to my brother. gosh...and here i am, still remembering who their family is, their names, how old they are. (the people i am talkign about do not include my relatives who are there.) i should just forget....i mean, i WANT to forget, its just not leaving my mind! the newer place, the place i really like spending my time there. just when i thought i will never go to such places again, i found myself there thanks to a friend. i learn more things there than i will at the other place. at least, the people there know my name. some of them, my full name. i am happy just like that okay?! i am happy as long as there are people who acknowledge my presence. i dun care how much or how little they talk to me, as long as they know i'm am there. i mean, i AM almost 17! VERY SOON! when can i choose for myself where i want to go and where i rather avoid?! when?! my sis already stopped going there for a long time! like...when she was at my current age(or younger). do i HAVE to wait until i'm 18 or 21?! i don't think i can wait that long anymore!! i've waited since 9 years old. and now, almost eight years later, i though i could finally get out from that place. but no. i was wrong. some people make it seem that it is wrong to enjoy going to a place that is good for me. some people are happy i found a place that i like to go to. and some people let their children go to the places they want to, even though their children are younger than i am now. i do not know what i am feeling now, sometimes i forget i feel something. i am not depressed, i am not sad, i might be angry and disappointed, but definitely NOT sad and depressed. i'm going to shut down for a few hours before i wake up to find myself back in this irritating cycle. good night.
i have searched for the key to my freedom, and i have found it, only in my dreams.
.a.d.d.i.e. updated at;
`1:16 AM
